I try not to complain. I don't see the purpose usually. But tonight I am awake at 3:00 in the morning again. I am in so much pain, I want to sleep but cannot. Every breath hurts. Every slight move is painful. I am so tired of being in pain. I go to bed at night in pain and I wake up in the morning in pain. I move through the day, every day in pain. I try not to snap at my babies, but when you hurt all the time, everything is the last straw. I have no more straws, no more rope. I don't understand why I have to suffer from this when I am supposed to be a good Mom. I feel most days that I am just not living up to my end of the deal. My kids deserve more. My husband deserves more. How can I be more when every day begins with the deck stacked against me?I am supposed to have more faith. I know this, but still cannot find it. I used to be so sure the Lord would heal me if I just kept having faith, but the more years that pass, the less faith I have. I miss me. Really rough day, sorry. Thought I needed to write it out. Helps a bit, I guess. My baby is crying. No rest for the weary.